Swadlincote Police have slammed the behaviour of visitors to Foremark Reservoir again - with the South Derbyshire attraction having to be closed yesterday afternoon.

Officers posted details of their day at the reservoir, which began with genuine concerns for a missing swimmer and ended with people being asked to leave and others trying to gain entry despite the presence of an electric fence.

A police helicopter and emergency services were called out when a man was reported missing.

Thankfully, he was found, but police also reported another day of anti-social behaviour and likened to the Only Fools and Horses Jolly Boys' Outing where the regulars from the Nag's Head travel to Margate.

They described the scenes as 'undignified embarrassment' and added: 'You may wish to turn-up the setting on your home fan to full throttle, dunk your feet into an ice-cold bucket of water, and adjust your sunglasses for what was to follow'.

The account was similar to the Day of Shame report of anti-social behaviour at Foremark last month - you can read that article HERE

Just last Sunday, officers handed out a total of £3,000 in fines to drivers who had parked their cars illegally outside the reservoir grounds - you can read that story HERE.

But we cannot put yesterday's antics better than the post from the SNT - who probably have enough material to write a sitcom of their own.

So, we are reproducing in full their account of the day - which is hilarious but also has a serious message about the water being dangerous.

•••••••••••••••

No common sense. No decency. No clothed back. No respectability.

These revised lyrics from an iconic television sitcom came to mind yesterday as two sweat-soaked officers made their way back to the police car.

An unloved crumpled single white sports sock, a steaming fresh nappy and hundreds of checker-board scorched marks on grassland from discarded disposable barbecues led the officers to conclude that this had indeed been a shameful shift of fools and even a recalcitrant horse.

With the mercury rising to a scorching 41 degrees inside the marked car, yesterday's beauty-spot-centred shift, (Thursday 22 July), was, on past form, always going to be challenging.

However, nothing could have reinforced the officers' constitutions for the wanton selfishness that had besieged Foremark Reservoir, near Ticknall.

Once again the shift will be recorded as one of unadulterated and undignified embarrassment.

During an agonising, three-hour period, acres of stunning Derbyshire parkland had been turned into a Margate summer special of BBC One's Only Fools and Horses.

Scores of topless sun-seekers – armed with bottles of vodka, humongous inflatables and beach towels – crowded into the reservoir for what soon reached a boiling point of foolhardiness.

The officers had been sent to the reservoir after Derbyshire Constabulary had received an emergency call from a concerned member of the public reporting that a male, who had been drinking strong alcohol for several hours, had elected to enter the treacherous waters and had disappeared from sight.

With the man not been seen for over 45 minutes, dozens of emergency service personnel were diverted to the reservoir from across South Derbyshire and beyond.

The ever-fantastic crew from Blue Watch at Swadlincote Fire and Rescue Service were first on the scene, closely followed by officers from your Safer Neighbourhood Team.

Paramedics were dispatched and the Air Ambulance took to the sky. With an urgent priority to locate the male, officers ran half-a-mile to the location of where he was last seen.

Witnesses stated that he had entered the dangerous waters and was now missing somewhere in the 238-acres of surface water at the reservoir – which holds up to 2.9 million gallons of liquid.

A thorough search began and the male was eventually found – but not before officers observed a number of unsavoury occurrences.

At this point in our report, you may wish to turn-up the setting on your home fan to full throttle, dunk your feet into an ice-cold bucket of water, and adjust your sunglasses for what was to follow.

To the bare-chested, medallion-wearing male, who expressed disquiet at having to step aside to allow emergency crews to access the incident location – what were you thinking?

This intoxicated Del Boy of Foremark was incandescent that his selection of jumbo sausages were burning to a crisp on his man-made beach-side barbecue.

Despite these char-grilled menaces being banned at the reservoir, for prudent fire safety reasons, the man showed his displeasure at the appearance of police and fire officers by squirting the remains of his bottled lager onto the sizzling meat products.

Eventually, this unnatural bronzed oven-ready male departed from the location for an early ride home.

• To the unbelievably irresponsible parent who thrust her young child into a pre-bedtime toxic water bath – what were you thinking? With no concern for the perilous, extremely deep and fast-flowing alkaline-rich waters at Foremark this charming mother was quickly identified and asked to exit the reservoir and told not to return.

• To the scores of bikini-clad females and swimming-trunked youths, who thought it was acceptable to discard litter, sodden-towels and stained personal items across the site – what were you thinking?

Officers circled the party-goers and ordered them to collect their litter and dispose it in bins. This delightful group were then told to depart the reservoir and not to come back again.

• To the well-refreshed, sun-soaked gentleman, who when asked to gather his randomly-arranged clothing detritus from the beach, decided to demand some extra time to enhance his sartorial presentation – what were you thinking?

Insisting on changing his trunks, and with only a towel to protect his modesty, this unfortunate visitor had a bath-sheet malfunction. He was ordered to go home and take his mullock with him.

And after the foolish conduct, it was time to move onto the horse.

• To the equine-obsessed woman, who despite the heightened police presence, decided to ride a horse into the reservoir waters - what were you thinking?

The female's unreasonable response to justify her actions brought a chuckle to the team, when she argued with a nearby fire officer that although she had seen giant red signs stating: "No Swimming," she had not seen a warning notice for: "No Swimming Whilst Riding a Horse."

Gobsmacked officers reminded the rider that if she had been thrown from the horse in the fast-flowing currents of the deep water she could have been injured, prompting a new rescue mission.

Despite the obvious reflective common sense, the woman continued to express her dissatisfaction about graphic-design qualities of displayed notices at the reservoir as she trotted off into the distance.

By 17:30 hours, the unruly conduct of dozens of visitors was causing increased concern. Working with senior managers at Severn Trent Water a decision was made to close the reservoir to protect public safety.

For the next hour officers spoke to hundreds of disgruntled sun-worshipping people. With sadness this generated the all-too-familiar negatie reaction, with officers and security guards being subjected to abuse.

Even in the darkest moments of insults, officers are always impressed by the extent people will go to offer a series of diverse reasons of why they could not or should not exit the parkland.

Ranging from: "I've just lit this barbecue – how do you expect me to carry it back to my car?" To the counter-ingenious: "I was here last week and you didn't ask me not to throw my rubbish on the grass then – so why this time?"; to the surprising: "I am sick of you police coming here and causing havoc with these emergencies – don't you have better things to do?"

And finally, to the male who yelped: "I know my legal rights – you can't ask me to leave here" – what were you thinking? Tutting and chortling in the manner of a frustrated Rumpole of the Bailey, this purple-faced man, who had clearly been educated beyond his intelligence, was informed that the reservoir is privately-owned and his presence was no longer welcome.

Driving towards the reservoir exit, officers were shocked to see many more members of the public attempting to enter the site through a closed giant 20-foot-long electric barrier, with several abandoning their cars in the roadway. All were sent away and informed that tickets would be issued for non-compliance.

Sergeant Nizzer said: "Whilst our posts give a somewhat humorous insight into what our officers are faced with, we are taking this opportunity to reach as many people as possible.

"The message has to sink in, we will deal with these people individually at a later date. They can expect fines and Community Protection

"Warning Notices will be issued not allowing them to return Foremark!.

"The vast majority of our community come here and enjoy themselves a small minority spoiled it for everyone.

"Remember that our reservoirs are very dangerous places. There are multiple signs demanding you stay out of the water for a reason. The water is incredibly dangerous due to the unseen current, not to mention the fact it's actually medically unsafe to enter. If you want to avoid A&E, don't go in it. It's that simple.. especially if you have had an alcoholic drink. Keep safe and be sensible."